For a long time, I haven't been bothered enough about nail biting for me to try to stop. Sometimes I felt guilty about it, but only a couple of times have I tried seeing if I could stop. I never ended up successfully doing so. It is very frustrating and makes me feel bad. I keep biting my nails down to nothing. When my nails are all gone, I then move on to biting off the firmer skin around the sides of my fingernails, which regularly causes it to bleed.

Why I want to stop

I was going to an event and decided that I wanted my nails to look nice in time for the event. Biting my nails makes them look ugly, so I need to stop.

It's hard to stop

So just stop biting, right? Wrong!

Biting my nails is a default behaviour for me, like how making the same breakfast every morning might be a default behaviour for you. Changing default behaviour is tricky because it requires active effort to switch away. I've already learned from my past attempts that if I stop trying I'll fall back to my old ways.

For the last 15 years I have been biting my nails so often that I have not once had to think about trimming them. It's really tricky to change a behaviour that I've learned and practiced that consistently for that long.

For me, biting is a really strong subconscious habit, which means something I do without thinking about it. Since I'm not thinking about biting my nails, my brain doesn't have a natural opportunity to think about not biting them, so in the past when I'd tried to stop biting, I would inevitably accidentally bite on auto-pilot and only notice I'd made a mistake after I had already bitten.

Nail biting is also a particularly disheartening habit to try to break because one unconscious mistake can erase weeks of growth.

My most serious attempt to stop biting lasted about 2 weeks, which I was really happy with, but it suddenly came to an end after I accidentally tore the end of one of my nails, which destroyed my morale.

Figuring out why I bite my nails

Something I realised that I haven't seen acknowledged much, is that biting is not an emotionally neutral behaviour. It actually feels enjoyable and extremely satisfying. It involves the physical feelings of touching my fingers, lips and teeth, which are very sensitive parts of my body. This sensation of touch fills a need for me.

This is probably related to me being autistic. When I'm anxious, deep in thought, or unstimulated, my hands will automatically seek out physical sensations to fill that gap. This can help to calm me down and regulate my emotions. Again, it's satisfying.

I realised that when I try to stop biting, I will keep having strong urges to bite, unless I can come up with another physical behaviour to take its place.

I looked for more information online about nail biting, and discovered that it's a type of body-focused repetitive behaviour (BFRB), and that other BFRBs include hair pulling and skin picking, so I don't want to replace nail biting with one of those.

Building upon this same theory, I found an incredibly helpful resource by Prof. Steffen Moritz, Stella Schmotz, and Birgit Hottenrott, which they call habit replacement. If you would like to address your own BFRBs, this is a must-read. I'll link their guide near the bottom of the page, or you can just find it here.

My plan

I was going to Sydney for an event, and I wanted my nails to look nice at the event. I was reading about habit replacement about two weeks before leaving, so I decided to start right then. I knew that if I could manage it, this would give my nails enough time to recover and grow a little by the time the event rolled around.

I also planned that after the event I would evaluate how successful I had been at changing my behaviour and figure out next steps.

How it went

The plan went much, much smoother than I expected. I did not bite my nails at all. When I found my fingers touching my mouth, usually in a moment of boredom or thought, I would do something inspired by the habit replacement guide - I would fold my arms and use my right thumb to rub my left upper arm, usually in a pattern shaped like an infinity symbol.

I made it to the day of the event without biting, and I was pretty happy with how my nails were progressing. At the event, there was a stall with purple nail paint for anyone to apply. I have never ever used nail paint before, and I've always felt like I'm not worthy of trying it out because my nails haven't been pretty enough. But in that moment I decided, screw it all, my nails are doing well now, let's have a go.

With a little encouragement from the event staff, I managed to get it on my fingernails relatively neatly, and I didn't even smudge the paint while it was drying (a problem that has plagued me on every subsequent attempt).

It has now been 7 weeks without biting my nails, which I consider a huge success. I'm really really satisfied with how my fingers look now. It's been worth it.

Why I think the plan worked

I was really surprised that the habit replacement guide was all I needed at first. I think a really valuable part of the guide was its introduction. Avoiding nail biting is a psychological challenge that seems formidable and scary, but the introduction gave me confidence and reassurance that the technique would be helpful.

Having a specific time-based goal to work towards - don't bite until after the event - also made it seem more doable. It made the task seem smaller and made me feel like I was under less pressure. If my goal had been to stop biting indefinitely, that would have made the challenge seem much bigger and scarier.

The nail paint was also incredibly good at helping me avoid biting. It creates a visual reminder that I saw every time I rose my fingers to my mouth. I knew that biting would make the paint look really bad. And I had no idea whether or not the nail paint was non-toxic. It certainly smelled noxious, so whatever it's made of, I don't want to put it into my body.

About a week after the previous event, I went to a different event where the purple nails absolutely did not match the rest of my outfit, so I decided to remove the paint. It was already flaking anyway. After removing it, I discovered something surprising. I looked at my nails, and discovered now that they've been allowed to grow, the end of each nail is a much lighter colour compared to the rest. I looked at the lighter coloured ends, and my mouth literally started watering.

Reflecting on this situation shortly afterwards, I said the following:

So after the purple paint was gone, I immediately went out to buy another colour which matched my outfit, and repainted my nails as soon as I got back.

Since then, I've kept my nails painted at all times. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do if they were unpainted.

Unexpected consequences of having nails

My cat LOVES it when I use my fingernails to stroke his back.

I didn't realise that having nails would also have minor drawbacks.

They constantly get crumbs and bits of skin stuck under them, so I use some of my nails to pick out crud from under the other ones. I do this very frequently. I think it's fine to do. It's another option for stimulation I can do with my hands to replace biting. As a result of adopting this new behaviour, I rarely use the original circle/infinity habit replacement anymore.

Typing is also a bit different now. When I type on the lowest (ZXCV) row of keys, the ends of my nails instead of my fingertips bump into the keyboard. It is an odd sensation.

Can you, dear reader, do this plan too?

I hope so. My plan worked for me, but I'm literally one person, and I don't fully understand the reason why my plan worked so well.

You won't be able to copy my plan directly. You'll have to reflect on my plan, think about which parts apply to you, and come up with your own variation on it.

To reiterate my points above, I'd advise copying these aspects of my plan:

• Recognise that it is a psychological challenge. Find ways to make the challenge seem smaller.
• Have an actual reason to stop biting your nails, rather than just for the sake of it. Better reasons provide a stronger incentive.
• Understand why you bite your nails. If you bite to meet a need, then when you stop biting you will have to deal with that need. You need to find an alternative way to satisfy the need.
• Read the habit replacement manual and watch the video.
• Nail paint is good. It makes you look cooler too, regardless of your style or gender, so it's a win-win.
• Love your new nails so that you'll stop wanting to bite them.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and keep going.

Godspeed.

Cadence

Bonus nail paint tips!

I'm no expert, but here's the things I wish I knew before I got started.

• Please use a base coat before applying a colour. It really helps.
• Make sure you have nail polish remover. When the paint has flaked beyond a certain point, you will need to remove the rest and redo it. You cannot remove nail polish without nail polish remover. It is not water soluble.
• Do not touch your nails on anything until the paint has fully dried. Don't even try it. Don't even risk it.
• You could watch a video tutorial or something, but I just winged it and they turned out fine.